Almost 18 weeks pregnant. This pregnancy is just flying by. I feel like I had so much more time when I was pregnant with Lucia. So much time to process, to contemplate, to sit and be still and wait for fetal movement. Now I'm hard pressed for time. By the time I leave work, pick up Lucia, go home, eat dinner, do bath/bedtime, I'm wiped out. I work out some nights and usually just fall asleep on the couch. I do have a big ultrasound next Tuesday, a growth scan, and I should get some pictures to scan and upload. As I type this, I feel movement, a little pressure, a fluttering. And then it stops. Little hints and gentle reminders that I'm pregnant.
Lately Lucia has been wanting to be held at night. I put her in bed and she's upset, wants time with me. Last night I went to check on her and rub her back but she told me she wanted to be held, to sit in the rocking chair ("sit, mama!") and snuggle. I could tell it wasn't making her sleepy; she just wanted my company. At a certain point I have to leave because she has to sleep. But those moments are so nice. She's so big to hold on my lap and rock. But she's still my baby. I touch her hair and stroke her forehead and I remember it was not too long ago that she was in my belly, and she was breech. That head was pushed far up in my ribs for the latter part of my pregnancy. I hold her on my lap, rub her back, and call her baby. I tell her she's always going to be my baby. I want her to know that. She's my little girl, and she always will be. Her days as an only child are becoming swiftly less and less. This was her last Christmas as an only child. I know she'll get jealous, but I don't want her to. This is why I savor these times when it's just us, and I want to make sure I always make Lucia and me time. Last night she was snuggled against me and I felt the baby move, and I realized I was rocking both of my babies. I will have two babies. I hope that the more I say this and commit it to memory it will truly hit me, though I don't think it will until the baby comes.
It's interesting - how little I read on pregnancy this time around, how I feel like a seasoned pro. How much more time I have on my hands with a much shorter commute, and yet still, I feel like time is flying so fast. I hope to capture more of these moments as they go, and I want to share these with my children (!) one day. I'm trying to make time to write it all down. Lucia is learning new words every day. She is so amazing, so independent, so bubbly. Last night when I got her from Emily's, she ran to the door, calling, "mama!!!", which she never does. She usually throws her seahorse in my direction and runs off to get her shoes. It made my day, it made me feel so much love in that moment, I felt my heart would explode. She will be such a sweet big sister; she already has so much to teach her little brother/sister. (she's split lately 50/50 on boy or girl when asked).
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