Wow, so much time has passed. I guess I can't be too hard on myself. Life is busy. But I do want to be better about capturing it all. Every last detail. There is just so much. I have been savoring it all though - every little thing about pregnancy and about my amazing daughter. I am finally in my third trimester, 27 weeks, 3 days today. It is flying so fast, and I know this is my last pregnancy, so I now want it to slow down a bit, plan some more things while it is just us three. Do some special mama and Lucia things. Try to enjoy the somewhat predictable routine. It has become a routine, and I do have more time to myself now than I will for a long time. It is hard to remember baby Lucia, and I do also anticipate this baby being different/easier than she was. Things were complicated, and soon they will be but for different reasons. Now we'll be juggling two children, our own needs, as well as our marriage. It will be a challenge. I want to make sure I make the time for Lucia, for our little things that she has become so accustomed to, at least as much as I can. I'm glad she's flexible, easygoing, so hopefully I can still tuck her in, even if it's a little later on some nights.
Today I'm grateful for a holiday from work on Monday after Easter. I'll take what I can get. Weather was gorgeous and we just had a fun day of following her lead, letting the day take us in whatever directions opened up. It was so enjoyable and I am so blessed to have had this day with her. I'm exhausted but in the best possible way. Being a mom is so incredibly tiring but in the most fulfilling way. I am trying not to dwell on how much I wish I could be a stay at home mom. Days like this are hard, because it seems natural and perfect and just what I wish I could do every day. I can't, and I accept that. I have to work, but of course I wish that, and naturally days like this are a reminder, but I have to just appreciate them and I think I can more readily do so since they are few and far between. If I were home all the time, I may feel more frazzled and less likely to suck in every precious little second. I have tomorrow too, and it is such a gift. I love spending time with my girl. She is hilarious, so funny. She says so many things that I wish I could record it all. She is a giggly chatterbox, makes so many connections about her world around her and every single detail that I am always blown away and forget she is only 2.5, and that she wasn't even talking 6 months ago. I know she will be an early reader. She has every book on her shelves memorized and can recite back most of them after a few readings. She follows words with her finger as she reads, so it is only a matter of time before she makes those connections. She lately likes to read it herself after I read it, so she recaps the whole book and reads to me. It's amazing. She is amazing. For a child who was barely given a chance of surviving, she is obviously exceptionally smart. I feel blessed. I cannot put my joy and pride and love into words. Being her mom is the most amazing gift and I cannot imagine my life without her.
I am feelings lots of baby movement these days. Lots. I wonder now and am trying to compare to Lucia. She has always been easygoing, champion sleeper. Hmmm.. and this one wakes me up with kicks. I am definitely intrigued. I have no gender leanings, ideas, intuitions. I am curious to see how different/similar he/she will be to Lucia. As nervous/anxious as I am about managing two children and balance and all that, I can't wait to see the two of them together and foster a sibling relationship unlike that which I experienced. I look forward to seeing the two of them grow together.
I hope we can all stay healthy and I will have more time/energy/motivation to write. These last few weeks I definitely want to capture before things get crazy again. And I have so much that I want to write down. I want to remind myself that in a past life, long ago, I was a writer, and there is no better motivation to revisit this pasttime than by capturing my growing family and document each precious detail.
