May 8, 2013

Had a growth ultrasound today.  Baby is measuring 72 percentile which means of 100 pregnant women, 28 have bigger babies, 72 have smaller.  This was my OB's rationale, and his way of just explaining the facts, as logical numbers.  I know I'm doing the best I can.  My blood sugar is going to go haywire in the third trimester.  I've been down this road before.  At least my doctor is understanding.  I had excellent control early on when crucial organs were forming so that is key.  Now I just get worried about complications.  I don't mind baby pudge.  Lucia was 9lbs 3oz.  It's the risks... I try to avoid reading up on what could happen, because I'm trying to focus on positive thoughts and energy.  Lightning can't strike me twice.  What are the odds?  I have a great healthcare team and I know my body.  I know this baby.  This baby is so incredibly active.  ALL THE TIME.  I feel like it's a way of reassuring me that everything is ok.  "see, I'm still moving like a maniac in here, relax ma, I got this" or something.  

Lucia was cute today.  I showed her baby ultrasound pics and explained that was the baby's head and face.  Then I showed her the photo album of her ultrasounds and she was so excited to see her little baby head and face.  She ran around carrying this album all night and showing me the baby and telling me that was her as a baby in my belly.  She's so cute and I love that she's making all of these connections.  

Just trying to focus on all of these little beautiful moments, looking forward to celebrating Mother's Day this weekend just relaxing with my family.  I am very happy to be a mom, very blessed.  I know it's beyond exhausting and wipes me out at times, but I always strive to be a good mom and it's the one thing that always makes me feel fulfilled.  I want to give my children a good solid loving relationship, something I never felt that I had.  I finally have a family and I feel very lucky.

May 6, 2013

I really wish I could be more consistent. I feel like there is so much to capture and time is just flying by.  I read a quote recently and it has stuck with me "the days are long but the years are short".  This is my focus every day, because sometimes the days are sooo long and exhausting, but simple beautiful moments are swallowed up in the speed of time, if you don't stop to just live in them.  Lucia, every day, says so many hilarious and silly and imaginative things.  She's such a little person.  Here last year she still wasn't talking and now more and more - she just sings songs she's learned in daycare including her current faves "wheels on the bus" and "if you're happy and you know it".  She makes up her own lyrics, she sings and dances and is generally genuinely happy.  She loves to talk to my belly and her baby brother/sister, give kisses, asks me to "open" my shirt so she can touch my belly and say hi and goodnight to baby.  She needs to rock with me every night and snuggle and I hold her close and tight and she's still my baby.  I tell her she'll always be my baby girl and she repeats to me over and over that she'll always be my baby.  I love her so much and am so proud of her and so loving just all of this time with her, standing there cooking with me, asking to help.  We unpacked baby things and I was showing her the blanket she was wrapped up in at the hospital, the one I slept with during our days apart, when she was taken to CHOP.  Our matching hospital bracelets.  She doesn't get it and one day I will have a story for her, but she did go on the hospital tour here and she knows baby comes to the 'hosminal".  She used a baby bed and tucked in her baby, gave her a bottle, burped her.  She's my little mama.  I love these moments and while typical 2 year old morning and bedtime battles can be challenging, I have to remember to live in these beautiful moments and re-live them often when I need a reminder that the days may be long, but the years are too short.